


Honey Pie

by owlettica



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: 20s fashion and music, Adult Content, An oblique blow job reference so I settled on "mature" rather than "explicit", Drag Queens, F/M, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Is this considered fluff?, I’m not really sure how to tag this but it’s more lighthearted than my usual fare, Leather, M/M, Musical Instruments, Not Beta Read, Performance Art, Ragtime music, References to the Beatles, Surprisingly sweet given this is the Foxglove, The Foxglove, art deco, mature language, musclebears, vinyl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13871031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlettica/pseuds/owlettica
Summary: Zsasz visits old friends at the Foxglove.This fic takes place between 3x22 and 4x01.Y’all know the drill: I’m not associated with Gotham or FOX. Please don’t sue me.





	Honey Pie

Zsasz hated being late, but work came first. His last job ran longer than expected.

The guy didn’t look like much, but he was definitely spirited —even had a higher pain threshold than most. Victor took full advantage of the rare opportunity to get a little creative.

As he strides up, he’s immediately waved into the palatial establishment. Peaches’ iconic “[Fuck the Pain Away](http://youtu.be/GmFp0I8AZqw)” plays in the background. He smiles when he recognizes a short, bodacious, sepia-toned woman in the foyer. She checks a patron’s invitation before welcoming them in.

The vinyl-clad hostess turns her attention to Victor as he walks up. She doesn’t bother asking for his invitation. Instead, she looks him up and down, purses her mouth and shakes her head before she tsks.

“Victor Zsasz, Lady Grace is gonna have. your. _ass_. You’re late. _Nobody_ keeps her waiting. Not even _you_.”

He tilts his head and shrugs with feigned innocence.

“Work ran late.”

Zsasz sidles up to her smiling suggestively. The assassin snakes his arm around her to rest his hand on the small of her back. He leans down, nudges her neck and purrs in her ear.

“C’mon, Solange. Don’t be like that. Put in a good word for me, please? I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

He looks into her eyes and arches an eyebrow before looking up at the speakers piping in the music.

 _Suckin’ on my titties like you wanted me_  
_Callin’ me all the time like Blondie_  
_Check out my Chrissie behind, it’s fine all the time…_

Zsasz returns his gaze and tilts his head before flashing his teeth.

She looks down to his mouth, then back into his eyes before sighing and shaking her head.

“Aww, _hell_ no. You know that shit ain’t gonna work on me. Besides, not even _you_ …”

She rolls her eyes and works her neck.

“...could handle all _this_.”

She suggestively runs her hands over her voluptuous pulchritude.

“Besides, I’d ruin you for all them scrawny girls you run around with! Speaking of, how are Egypt and Saffronia, any damn way?”

He puffs out a chuckle. “They’re great. They told me to tell you they love and miss you.”

She puts her hand on her hip, clicks the nails of her other hand and sucks her teeth.

“Well, I’m not the one who went any damn where, am I? Honestly. I don’t know why the hell we keep lettin’ you in here. First, The Sisters — _and now, Mr. P?_ You sure you’re only paid to end people? ‘Cause you keep this shit up and you're gonna single-handedly close down the Foxglove, lawdhamercy!”

He shrugs and says, “I can’t help if I have an eye for talent.” Zsasz pulls her in closer. “After all, I’ve been trying to get my hands on you for years.”

She swats him on the chest.

“Naw, boy! What did I tell you? I’ma let Lady Grace deal with you, ‘cause I _cain’t stand_ your sorry ass. You know she ain’t performed in a hundred Sundays and you got the nerve to be late? She gonna make you pick out your own damn switch! I for one would _love_ to see _that!_ ”

She smiles and winks at him. Zsasz answers by pecking her cheek.

“You’d better hurry up and get that pretty little ass o’ yours in there. She’s about to go on here in a little bit.”

Solange sends the assassin off with a swat on the ass. She wistfully watches him stride off before turning to greet the next guest.

Victor quickly slips past the well-moneyed patrons and various tableaux throughout the club until he reaches the main performance area. A tall, ample blonde in a black bodice and short skirt walks one of her leashed pups on stage. He follows obediently beside her, while the other freely circles her.

[ _...When you walk in a room I follow you 'round_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH9YlhHgGWI)   
[ _Like a dog I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a dog, I'm a lapdog_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH9YlhHgGWI)   
[ _I'm your lapdog, yeah..._](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH9YlhHgGWI)

Zsasz raises an eyebrow when he spies a small band just below the stage. There’s an upright bassist, guitarist and some woodwind players (clarinetists and saxophonists). A percussionist also sits at a standard drum kit. He recognizes a few of them as current and former Foxglove performers. Some are still in their vinyl and leather, while others are dressed in ‘20s period-style clothing, like the pianist.

He sees Divine Intervention standing off stage in her campy Sunday finery clutching her pearls and her bible. The drag queen visibly sighs and slumps in relief when she sees him. She points to an empty seat, front row center. He nods and quickly seats himself.

Once he sits, Zsasz turns to the small, conservatively-dressed man beside him and stretches a smile. The man looks back, blinks and swallows before smiling back nervously.

The crowd begins clapping as the blonde pets her puppies and bows. A couple of leather-clad musclebears run up to clear the stage. Miss Divine follows after them clapping and takes an exaggerated, theatrical look as they squat and hoist up the large leather sofa. She briskly fans herself before turning back to the audience.

“Amber Shaedow, Trigger and Puppy Stryker! Now, finally everyone. Tonight, the Foxglove has a very special performance for a legendary Dom who’s kept us all on a short leash for years. It seems he’s off to hold someone else’s lady purse —I mean excuse me, purse strings.”

She puts a hand on her hip and points a finger to the audience. “Oh, and by the way, he was the only reason this establishment has remained as classy as it has over the years, so don’t say y’all weren’t warned.”

The crowd laughs. Divine Intervention looks down and stretches a warm smile at the blushing man seated next to Victor.

“Mr. P? This is for you.”

She returns her attention to the audience.

“Everyone, give it up for the legendary Lady Grace.”

The spotlight shines off stage at a man leaning against a vintage street light. A kneeling woman is giving him a blow job. The audience erupts into catcalls, wolf whistles and appreciative laughter. A pianist begins a measured intro.

 _She was a working girl_  
_North of England way…_

The curtain opens to reveal an Art Deco-styled backdrop. The spotlight shines center stage on a woman dressed like a 20s movie starlet standing atop a short staircase. Lady Grace has a rhinestone hair band in her Marcel-waved hair, and is wrapped in a full-length fur. She stands elegantly with her cigarette holder, looking like an original Erté gouache brought to life.

 _Now she's hit the big time!_  
_In the USA._

  
Lady Grace begins slowly sauntering down the stairs.

 _And if she could only hear me_  
_This is what I'd say._

  
When she reaches the bottom of the staircase, she removes her fur to reveal a short, elegant, fringed flapper dress. The crowd sighs. The leathered bears run up to gather her fur and cigarette holder while a quiet guitar slide fades.

The pianist begins a bouncy, syncopated riff and Lady Grace synchronizes her hips with him. They’re soon joined by the upright bass, percussion and woodwinds.

 _Honey pie, you are making me crazy_  
_I'm in love but I'm lazy_  
_So won't you please come home?_

  
Lady Grace dances coquettishly on stage. She occasionally blows kisses and winks at the enchanted Mr. Penn who absently covers his mouth. Meanwhile, a slow, wide grin stretches across Zsasz’s face.

 _Oh honey pie, my position is tragic_  
_Come and show me the magic_  
_Of your Hollywood song._

Her hips make a slow figure eight along with the clarinets, before shimmying into the next verse.

 _You became a legend of the silver screen_  
_And now the thought of meeting you_  
_Makes me weak in the knee._

  
Victor leans back, tilts his head and rubs his thighs when she spins and high kicks, revealing a flirty peek beneath her dress.

 _Oh honey pie, you are driving me frantic_  
_Sail across the Atlantic_  
_To be where you belong._

  
The leathered bears rush back upstage along with the pups from the previous number. The pups have a prop boat and hold it in front of the bears as they lift Lady Grace. Meanwhile, a few of the rope demo models and spotters run up the stage with a long and flowing blue tapestry. They stretch it across the front of the stage and flutter it to simulate ocean waves. Various people in the audience clap. Mr. Penn is one of them.

 _Will the wind that blew her boat_  
_Across the sea_  
_Kindly send her sailing back to me?_

After their ocean voyage is complete, the bears remain with Lady Grace and set her back down while the others leave with their props. Lady Grace suggestively hugs herself and rubs down her arms as she continues her dance for Mr. Penn.

 _Honey pie, you are making me crazy_  
_I'm in love but I'm lazy_  
_So won't you please come home?_

She dances through the song’s final measure before falling back into the arms of her musclebears. The audience erupts into applause. Zsasz stands and raises his fingers to his mouth to whistle before loudly clapping. The bears lift Lady Grace back up to stand and exit either side of the stage. She smiles warmly and blows a kiss to Mr. Penn.

“I had to come back and personally give you a proper send-off, Mr. P. Things around the Foxglove won’t be the same without you. Remember, you always have a home here waiting for you, Honey Pie.”

As she addresses him, the musclebears that exited the stage walk up to Mr. Penn.

“The Foxglove also wanted to remind you of what you’re gonna be missing out on. We hope you enjoy your send off.”

When the bears extend their hands to Mr. Penn, the audience goes wild. Victor looks them up and down before he leaning over to the overcome man. He elbows him and winks.

“Go get ‘em, tiger. Holler if you get in trouble —or need any help.”

Mr. Penn absently stands with the leather-clad bruisers, who escort him off. Meanwhile, Lady Grace shoots Victor a look in between kissing at and waving to the audience. He nods in acknowledgement.

—>z<—

Not too long after in a private room, Lady Grace prowls around the naked assassin. She’s replaced her vintage clothing with the leather attire she’s famous for. She meticulously appraises him with a quirt in hand.

“I must confess, I sometimes miss the sweet boy whose smile once reached his eyes.”

She pulls down the corners of her mouth and arches an eyebrow at his copious scars.

“He hadn’t a single mark on his lovely pale flesh and he would have never kept me waiting.”

She runs a perfectly manicured finger down his chest and purrs.

“Whatever are we going to do with you?”

Zsasz stretches his face into a slow smile before responding.

“Solange said she’d put in a good word for me.”

“Oh, she did.”

Lady Grace looks to the door and Solange saunters in.

“That’s why I’m letting _her_ decide.”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m just gonna blame this silly fic on [The Beatles’ “Honey Pie”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Sr0efOe8yk) that recently came on my shuffle, [Thom Yorke’s “Skip Divided”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NH9YlhHgGWI) and the fact the last OUT Magazine featured some photographs from Howard Schatz’s Kink. (In the best Zsasz voice I can muster: “Coincidence? I think not.”) Amber Shaedow, Trigger and Puppy Stryker were just a few of his subjects. I also needed a little pick-me-up after my last fic, “Kintsugi”.
> 
> Check out “Honey Pie” if you haven’t heard it. It’s a delightful piece. It's probably been redone by now, but The Beatles' version was my inspiration. 
> 
> Lady Grace is not my invention. She’s a nod to one of my favorite Gotham fanfic authors, HarveyWallbanger, and his Mr. Penn/Victor Zsasz fic, “The Adding Machine”. Read it. (BTW, Harvey also wrote a book, The Sentimental Pleasures. Go buy a copy if you haven’t already.) I hope to someday have a fraction of the talent that you have, Harvey! *waves*
> 
> I miss seeing Mr. Penn. I also wish we’d gotten a chance to learn more about him. I really hope Tabitha didn't completely break him and we get to see him again. He was such a delight.
> 
> As usual, I had no beta reader so, “tag!” You are now the proverbial “it”! If you made the mistake of reading this, you’re now responsible for informing me of any errors that require my attention. 
> 
> Last but not least: thank you kindly for reading this ridiculous, self-indulgent story.


End file.
